Quarantine SUCKS

[jfugina]

Warning.. long ramble ahead.

So, Rob and I have been working remotely since March of last year. Our school district was on spring break when everything hit the fan, and at first the spring break was extended by a week, followed by the realization that there was no safe way to go back to school for the foreseeable future. So the school finished the final quarter in "crisis learning" mode, where kids would be 100% virtual for the rest of the year, and it was something that our district (like most others, I'm sure) were 100% not prepared to handle. On one hand, I will say that I'm so very thankful that our household has kids who were old enough to have been able to manage their own online school needs, assuming they took it seriously. Parents of elementary kids, and/or parents who didn't have adequate technology to meet this need at home... I can't even begin to imagine how awful. But we were lucky in that regard. We had enough equipment, and the kids were old enough to know what to do.

Nicole did fine. Jake did not. Jake basically wrote off the rest of the school year as a joke, and that there couldn't possibly be anything to be gained by attending once a week zoom check-ins and doing busy-work worksheets. He wasn't wrong - there really was no value in what our district did to scrape by. But it was because of that behavior that when, given the choice of starting this year as full virtual, or full in-person, we chose in-person for both kids. We worried that if Jake were left to his own devices during the school day (while Rob and I continued to hold down jobs from home), that he'd just not bother. We were not wrong. Jake was sent home last week to quarantine due to a close exposure to a positive COVID case. Last week was the last week of the quarter, and during that time he managed to not make up any of the school work that was done in class, and the As and Bs he had for the quarter leading up to that, nearly all lost a whole letter grade due to zeroes in the gradebook for the last week. And final grades are due today, so there's no making up that work. This week (his second week of quarantine) started the new quarter/semester. Three days in and I swear he's two weeks behind. We've heard from a couple of teachers that he hasn't been attending their zoom (some live stream their class and others just have a standing quarantine student check-in), and he's not been turning in class work and/or homework.

So like these last few days have just been no end of stress. I envy those parents who have responsible self-sufficient kids who actually are motivated all on their own to do well in school. It took Nicole all the was up until last year (junior year in HS) to actually be aware of how she was doing in her classes and care when things started to slip. Jake cares not at all. In his mind, every single piece of homework is unnecessary busy work. The one exception is that he doesn't seem to mind practicing math. But everything else.... oy.

Y'all... just please pray for me or send positive juju my way or whatever it is you are into to lift people up who are struggling. On balance, we're super thankful that Rob and I have jobs that so easily transitioned to remote work. And we're beyond lucky to not have to struggle with toddlers with no daycare or elementary school kids who can't possibly be expected to manage their schedule or use the technology on their own. And Rob and I aren't really super social people, so not going to bars or live music or live sports didn't really alter our lives. We do miss dining out, but not so desperately that it was worth the risk of going to a crowded place without a mask. We miss travel, but again, not enough that it's impacting our mental health. Jake prefers being home. He's actually LOVED not having to go to school (which is exactly why he MUST go back ASAP). Nicole is the one with the closest to "normal" daily life. She attends school in-person, where more than half of her classes hare hands-on skill based. She has Winter Drumline practice three nights a week and I think they might even be attending some local competitions in-person. She has a job, and she has an internship. Then there's her boyfriend (both families have agreed to being in each other's "bubble" so the kids can hang out without being masked), and there is one BFF who we have the same family agreement with. Hopefully she continues to be the least of our worries.

Anyway... two more days of Jake's quarantine, and I'm not sure there's enough alcohol in the house (including all of my new homebrew) to get through it. I know I should be thankful that this is the worst thing we're dealing with, but it's days like this that make me NEED for this to be over... pronto. To that end, Rob is scheduled for his first dose of vaccine tomorrow.... Jake's last day of quarantine. So I have to believe that tomorrow will be better. But today is just getting to me. If you're still with me, thanks for reading.

[pbp908]

I feel so badly for the children who are undergoing the loss of in-person classes. So much that's necessary for their well-being is lost during this mess.

We've been fortunate that Adam's classes last semester were half on campus and half off. This year they've been delayed by a month. His Asperger's tends to make him OCD, which helps him to discipline himself, but I think he desperately needs the social interaction. Today he reported to campus to take a mandatory Covid test before his classes start next week.

Hopefully Jake and Adam will both be back in a classroom next week. All we can do at this point in time is pray, chant, meditate or whatever that this will soon be over.

[jfugina]

You're absolutely right about the need for social interaction Pam. And that's something I constantly worry about for Jake. He claims he's totally fine, and would actually prefer to be home. Sometimes he says he has no friends so that's no reason for him to go to school, but I can't believe that he's really that much of a loner. I do believe that there's no particularly special person(s) that he looks forward to seeing during the day, but even without that, the boy still needs to interact with other humans. Being alone with just his own thoughts for company isn't good for him. And he's clearly at a very awkward stage in his physical development (which seems like a typical thing for boys his age - 14), and needs to be around other awkward people. And, he needs to be around teachers who are completely used to awkward middle school sass/snark monsters. Because I'll tell you - the more time he spends at home, the more I look at him and wonder who this new kid is and where he came from.

[pat-czap]

On the student front...I am so thankful I do not have little ones in school. As a mom with 3 sons, yikes, I don't know if I could have managed what parents are going through. I did not always work outside the home, but always had multiple volunteer positions.

I feel for you Julie. Do you think Jake may be bored, not challenged enough? Hoping he finds his niche in life. I hope Jake gets back to school in the safest way possible.

My grandsons have been remote learning since Covid began, but "may" go back to in person come February. Oliver is grade 2, Arlo is in Kindergarten.

I hope we are able to get vaccine soon, so we can begin our new normal.

[pbp908]

Julie - I hate to say this, but IT'S HORMONES!!! I was ready to kill both of my boys at that age, and I actually had to force them out of the house. We tricked Jim into riding lessons and showing, as well as 4H Horse Club. Chris was pushed out with band by his dad. I traveled constantly for more years than I want to remember hauling horses, kids, tack, sitting ringside, teaching riding lessons, and then all over the eastern US with band. Unfortunately a lot of activities are no longer available to kids because of this virus, so school is really the only way we can get them out and around. I think once Jake as able to explore options and finds an extracurricular activity that he enjoys you'll see a big difference. It may not be music or sports or anything else that we might consider a "normal" activity, but there's going to be that one thing that engages his interest. Adam and Chris are both still somewhat socially awkward but have close friends now that they enjoy spending time with. Jim is like a social butterfly and can spend hours talking to anyone and everyone about anything. Jake will be fine as soon as he gets comfortable in his own skin and finds that one thing, even though you have to trick/push him into it, that he can call his own.

Martial arts are great for that age, BTW, IF there's still anywhere open that teaches classes. Good for discipline, physical activity, and mindful exercise.

[Monica]

Prayers, good vibes and everything else, topped with a dose of pixie dust for good measure. Hang in there, Julie. I remember my little brother was a shrimps from about 13-17...

[jfugina]

OK, the first thing I have to note is that when I read that Oliver was in second grade, my head spun a little. I've been able to manage to keep up with some of the other grandkids here through FB, but Oliver was JUST a baby! I know it happens to all of us, but goodness.

Pam - I wanted to guess about the hormones, but also don't want to write it off as "just a boy thing.. he'll grow out of it". Because I believe that's how you get loners building fertilizer bombs in the woods. This mama is gonna be all up in that boy's life whether he likes it or not. LOL. And to that end, I probably should have mentioned that Jake is pushed to do as much extracurricular stuff as WE are comfortable with at the moment. His scout troop never stopped meeting. They were able to make the switch to zoom right away in March. They've had some in-person events outside, when weather allows, and they can be spread out. But it's not nearly the calendar buster that it was in past years. He's also in the robotics club, which alternates between after school meetings and zoom meetings.

But that's about the limit, because he doesn't drive and Rob and I limit our outings. Our home county is AWFUL about masks and COVID and there are more deniers than not. People around here will literally still be calling it a hoax even after they're admitted to the hospital over it. So we've never been that keen on looking for additional stuff to get Jake involved in. Nicole lost her hostessing job in March, and we only allowed her to resume work because she found a place that was hiring in the neighboring county where there *is* a mask mandate, and on top of that, the national retailer has strict corporate policies about mandating customer masks for the safety of their staff. When she was quarantined in the fall, they covered her shifts without question and asked her to get tested before they'd put her back on the schedule.

Jake knows we're going to require him to do marching band next year, and is dreading it a little, but we promised him he just needed to try it for a year, and if he was truly miserable, we'd help him explore other ways to be active. Marching band this year was reduced to a halftime park and bark with just one song. And with1/4 of the band at a time was out under quarantine for any given football game, that was the best it was ever going to get. I really hope that all of this is behind us by summer, or sooner. I'll be sad if Nicole never gets to experience a prom, and I really want to be able to throw her a proper graduation party. I'd like for Jake's scout troop to be able to camp and travel again. It was really nice having a break for a while - life really was a bit too exhausting at times. But I'm definitely looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.

[Monica]

Julie, one thought for Jake that I have is techbanditry on Twitch https://www.twitch.tv/techbanditry. David Hewlett, an actor and father, has been hosting his Tech Bandits group online for about 10 months. He started this to fill what he saw as something missing in his son's life and those of other kids at school. It's science, tech, gaming, writing, and whatever else strikes David's fancy or his Tech Bandits want to learn about. I've been following him on Twitch since shortly after he started it, because he also does chats about whatever strikes his fancy for whoever wants to participate. David's based in Toronto, Canada, so the time zone will be more like yours than it is mine. And videos of previous streams are available for viewing on his twitch channel.

[pbp908]

Julie, I had to laugh because you used a phrase that I haven't heard in around 8 years - park and bark! I hated it when bands did it in competition. Thank goodness we had a HS director who hated it, and Chris' director in college was a former HS director who had the nation's best BOA championship record. No park and bark allowed in any of Chris' field experiences!

[jfugina]

Julie, one thought for Jake that I have is techbanditry on Twitch https://www.twitch.tv/techbanditry. David Hewlett, an actor and father, has been hosting his Tech Bandits group online for about 10 months. He started this to fill what he saw as something missing in his son's life and those of other kids at school. It's science, tech, gaming, writing, and whatever else strikes David's fancy or his Tech Bandits want to learn about. I've been following him on Twitch since shortly after he started it, because he also does chats about whatever strikes his fancy for whoever wants to participate. David's based in Toronto, Canada, so the time zone will be more like yours than it is mine. And videos of previous streams are available for viewing on his twitch channel.

This is awesome. I'm going to check this out. Jake spends a ton of time on video games (often at the expense of the homework he should be doing), and when he's not doing that, he's constantly on YouTube or TikTok. I'd love to find something more productive for him to do, that still allows him to be in his online comfort zone. Thanks for the link!

[jfugina]

Julie, I had to laugh because you used a phrase that I haven't heard in around 8 years - park and bark! I hated it when bands did it in competition. Thank goodness we had a HS director who hated it, and Chris' director in college was a former HS director who had the nation's best BOA championship record. No park and bark allowed in any of Chris' field experiences!

Unfortunately we've been forced to become all too familiar with park and bark. Our high school hosts a competition each year, and it's one of our two primary fundraisers. Nicole's first year, it was <20 degrees out, and we lost money because only the most dedicated parents would pay to see just their kids band, and then get the heck back inside. And there were almost no concession sales. That was the last time we managed to host a full outdoor competition.

The following year, torrential downpours, ALL DAY LONG. And they weren't really predicted to be more than a light sprinkle until the day before. So we scrambled to figure out a way to have the bands perform in the gym for prelims, park and bark style. We couldn't get concessions fully moved in time, but fortunately we at least broke even at the gate. The weather then broke between prelims and finals, and we were able to run finals outdoors and let bands run their full show. In our third year the day had rain again, but we'd learned our lesson. We made a full secondary plan for an indoor competition, and sent those contingency plans to all who registered to attend. And this time the weather was looking terrible days in advance. Again, we hosted a no-drill competition. But at least we were able to turn a profit. This school year, obviously, nothing. I think this would have been our 35th annual for the Viking Band. I attended this competition when I was in high school.

I worry about next year though, because I'm sure we'll be back at it, trying to make it work, but we will have almost zero experience in the booster group for how to plan and run an outdoor show that's profitable. We'll be among only 3 families who are on their 5th+ year due to younger siblings. But after the last three years, I'm hoping that next year we can go back from removing "park and bark" from our vocabulary too!

[pbp908]

We haven't even had football games this year and won't until March - maybe. No competitions. No field time. No practice. IF they can put a field show up this year I'll be amazed. At this point I'll take a "park and bark" and be happy to have it!

[jfugina]

So your football season was just delayed? We had ours because, you know... the whole world revolves around sportsball. Heaven forbid our seniors miss out on potential scouting if we don't stay in line with University schedules. I absolutely marveled at how our varsity team, at well over 100 kids, managed to always be at full participation when something like 10-15% of the rest of the school was home at any given point due to exposure to a positive case. Kids all told stories all season of football players missing school because they were positive, and yet somehow the entire rest of the football team wasn't deemed to be "close contact without a mask". The favoritism and hypocrisy is why I will never have the same level of respect for sports as I do other activities. Sorry for that soapbox, but football pretty much drove all of the decisions made by our district in the fall.

You mentioned your band being on the BOA circuit. We've been to BOA, but always place towards the bottom., because our band will never get the level of importance of football where we are. Sports teams have no trouble getting sponsorships, but by the time the band parents come around asking for help, no one is interested. Nicole's first year, we did BOA in St. Louis and I was watching up in the stands. Do you know who we went on after? Broken Arrow. And our kids were lined up waiting in the stadium. They've never been so completely overwhelmed and spooked, and they were a mess on the field. I was sitting next to some really nice people from Nebraska, who were amazingly kind and cheered for our band with us. I had seen their group just two or three before. Right up there with Broken Arrow - I think they ultimately placed 3rd. They said their entire town was all about the band. All of the local businesses wanted in on sponsorship. It broke my heart, but also made me happy to know that exists somewhere.

I'm hopeful for the fall. We've got vaccines happening around here at a reasonably steady rate. St. Louis and it's immediate surrounding counties are doing better than we are out in the suburbs. But our school nurses are already done, and teachers are in the next up priority group. Our community is pretty divided politically, so I'd say we'll only get about 50% of folks participating voluntarily in the vaccine. But maybe it will be enough to keep positive cases relatively low, and we can have a somewhat normal school year again next year. Rob has already had his first shot (critical infrastructure in support of the medical campus and affiliated hospital system). I just hope the supply remains steady and the members of the community who are anxiously awaiting their turn don't have to wait much longer.